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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 14, 2011 15:30:16 GMT
Hello my fellow members and moderator. Lately, the thought of my parents is really concerning me. I would like to know from everyone their thoughts on this matter as well.
Like in a case of a straight son, who gets married and has children, the parents are attended to and are looked after. In a case like me, who is gay and living in a different country with his partner, is trying to settle down in England. I am just not sure about how shall I convince my parents that once I have a full-time job and things are half way good enough, that I will call them over to my place and me and my partner would take care of them. They wouldn't get to rear and grand children because their son is gay.
Also, if they don't like the western way of life and they want to go back in India just for the sake of missing their grand children and their old way of life, where at least they have their daughter married and have 2 grand children. Then who would look after them in this age? Because, as our Indian based parents grow older, they seek to get busier with their daughter-in-laws or their grand children which they are not going to get from their gay son. I am really concerned about them growing old and God forbid a case of emergency arises, my sister just cant tend to them for the rest of her life. They are now my responsibility.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 18, 2011 12:46:59 GMT
It is amazing singh11, you wrote me a message in which it was clear that according to some, being gay is a choice, a switch that can be turned on/off. Its amazing, how married men come together to a place like this and say I can be gay but I can also have a wife and love my children and what all and what not. This is disgusting in my opinion.
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Post by sukhjit on Jun 22, 2011 1:38:12 GMT
Hi Pals,
I have similar concerns about my parents and I am very sure that they won't understand my situation. So I have two choices either to sacrifice my happiness for their sake and get married to a girl or be with a guy and let them suffer. I guess singh11 has opted for the first choice.
I am aware of the things that come along by marrying a girl. My friend is married and a bit happy but not in real terms. He still looks for guys and living a dual life. Some people just refrain from these to save their married life or the honor of their family. So it's a personal choice. They might be bisexual or gay sometimes, but they are helpless.
You need to understand their situation rembrandt84 and for once see it from from their point of view.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 23, 2011 10:59:01 GMT
I am not saying here what is right and what is wrong. its just being opportunistic, now that all married men with form a group and justify their actions of infidelity and conscience by supporting the other one. I was sure that sarbat.net is not a hook-up site but a place with morals and shared values. But it has turned out to be something else. I am disappointed.
Puta Mata Ki Asees.... don't just quote one or two words but read the whole sabad, it just drives me up the walls when people do this. However, we choose to bandage our conscience and keep it in an armour and refer to it as a third person; pretend it is safe and secure but it isn't the case.
The issue is to come up with a solution and not making same or similar actions of getting married to keep everyone quiet and sticking together as a group that this is the only way to solve things. Making it a protocol which defines gay men as leading dual lives. Getting married and practicing infidelity. This is betrayl of oneself, one's family. How can you take care of your loved ones whole-heartedly like this? Being something on the outside and something else on the inside. Can one keep your selfrespect intact this way? Guru Nanak quoted, "If a human looses his/her self-respect then it is equal to being dead". I am not dead, neither I will get married and betray my parents or my supposed to be wife for that matter or my supposed to be children. I think if I am able to convince my parents that I do not wish to get married and take care of both of you then this might change or flickr something in them. There is a need for things to be discussed rightfully and not make-shift solutions. A proper discussion of how to take care of one's parents if you are gay and there is no one to look after them. This is my concern and who ever is sincere towards their parents, this should be their concern.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 26, 2011 17:03:18 GMT
My post was not made to take things personal, neither I am into unneeded bickering about anyone's personal life. Neither did I say that I am in a box, the fact remains, I can not come out to my parents without the risk of hurting them emotionally or physically. Neither did I say anyone is perfect, which implies that you think being gay is a mutation? Is thai want you are trying to say. Then again, I am not thinking in your wavelength. I am not sure why you keep saying Satguru/Waheguru is perfect; which we all know, but when you say it, it feels like you are trying to make a statement. I can not quote your replies good enough, but in all, you think being gay is a mutation and you feel sorry about it.
However, I strongly believe Sarbat supports men in various situations but I have not yet seen any post relating to this matter and I am very close to embrace the fact that the team is just not bothered about a dilemma, the topic that I have posted has yet not gained any insights from moderator(s).
Singh11, a piece of advice, don't take things too personally as my post is not directed to anyone in particular; this is just a wake up call for people like me who have been looking in places to get advice and answers which are satisfactory. Again, for me or in my opinion its more to life than living in duality or hooking up or betrayl towards "loved ones".
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Post by goramonasikh on Jun 26, 2011 20:38:33 GMT
my parents are deceased but id have my guys parents live with us if they needed help..
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 27, 2011 16:09:39 GMT
Hi, goramonasikh... can you tell us more about your situation please. It would be worthwhile to have some insights from yourself. Many thanks for your post.
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Post by sukhjit on Jun 28, 2011 21:37:31 GMT
Hi Pals,
I have similar concerns. I want to lead a happy life with the guy whom I love. And at the same time, I want to take care of my parents as well who have sacrificed a lot for me. But the problem is, I don't know how to come out to them. They have been quite supportive but I don't know how they r gonna react when they get to knw about me.
I have read all the previous posts and sincerely apart from one, none is supportive. I don't want to comment on guys who marry a girl but just wanna say that when u knw that u won't be able to make a girl happy then why are you marrying her? Family pressure and hurting parents are the things that every gay Sikh has to go through. So you are not exceptional.
Sorry if my comments have hurt anyone. They are just my personal viewpoints.
I considered being gay is sinful and all that bloody crap. But after trying everything out, I knew that I am gonna be the same. So now I have accepted myself as I am. Now, I need the courage, right moment and some advice to come out to my parents.
Hope you guys will share some ideas and advices.
Regards
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jun 30, 2011 14:14:42 GMT
Hi Sukhjit, thank you for your input. I am glad you point out the issue of lack of support as well. I congratulate you for your coming to terms with yourself and seeing that its not sinful in any way. This is the thing, I actually don't want my parents to be hurt! as easy as it sounds but it isn't. Therefore, I have chosen to tell them that I don't plan to get married. The latter part is very tricky. My family knows about my partner as my friend . . . and that we are living together. Even my sisters know, my partner and my sisters have also spoken with eachother. Amazingly, I want them to know that I am happily living and heathy. It is going to be very tricky to come terms for them that I just don't want to get married.
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Post by sahaiakal on Jun 30, 2011 18:50:30 GMT
OMG...I am just biting my nails now as i would be in this situation soon ..lol lord help us all..
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jul 1, 2011 21:58:27 GMT
OMG...I am just biting my nails now as i would be in this situation soon ..lol lord help us all.. ... one glorious comment, but anyhow, you really find this serious! Amazingly, you don't sound serious about it at all, chic. |
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jul 1, 2011 22:03:20 GMT
Blive u me its a hard challenge in life some are strong and face it some are week like me and fail to be true to them self due to loved ones. It's very complicated and hard to face That is the reason why we are here, to do things differently. What makes you think we don't believe you? We do, and those who have given some serious input to this have made it clear that they do believe. Not for one moment think its easy. it hasn't been for anyone. In no way you are weak or untruthful towards your loved ones, the thing is, you did the the best you could and you are continuing to do so. Time has come for a better protocol to be placed. What better than starting from us!? Someone's got to do it. |
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Post by veer on Jul 2, 2011 7:36:20 GMT
I agree on that. If nobody starts it nothing will change and future Gay Sikh generations will have to go through the same process. However i understand how hard it is. Sikhi can give you strength and help you through this. And there are always some loving people as well who understand you and accept you.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jul 4, 2011 9:46:14 GMT
I agree on that. If nobody starts it nothing will change and future Gay Sikh generations will have to go through the same process. However i understand how hard it is. Sikhi can give you strength and help you through this. And there are always some loving people as well who understand you and accept you. Nicely stated Veer, I agree. Sikhi can give us strength and support. On the other hand, I have gained a bunch of good friends who understand and are loving. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 4, 2011 11:26:36 GMT
What do ppl in my situation do now
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