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Post by veer on Jul 5, 2011 9:46:30 GMT
Seems like nobody can give you an answer to that question which shows how complicated is this situation as a married Gay Sikh man especially with children. I think that is why single Gays should really think twice before they go into a marriage because it might seem the easyest way out but the price they have to pay for it can be just too much. As long as you are single you can only hurt yourself and your parents but after marriage you will be responsible for your wife and your children as well. Every woman deserve to have an honest husband who is not hiding half of himself and his life from her. I know someone whose wife found out he was Gay and she blames only him not his parents for marrying her.
So my advice for those who are not married but considering it is to think twice and try to think about all the pros and contras and possible outcomes before they make a decision that will have an impact on their entire lives and on other people's lives as well. And for those who are already married and struggling like you is to go for professional counseling because that might help you to cope with the situation and to decide which direction you want to go.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jul 12, 2011 20:50:21 GMT
I believe, taking help is not an issue. Veer has actually added an ace of a suggestion, and considering it is not too much to ask in my opinion; it might save a marriage and most importantly give you an insight to one's problems, or what one percieves as a problem. They are professionals and experienced which ight help you to cope with the situation just like Veer stated. Most importantly, it might help you to make up your mind and stick to what you have planned, to build up what you have started.
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Post by deepamar on Jul 13, 2011 8:38:58 GMT
I guess that i am over with this situation i simply said that i am not gonna marry any one as i am least interested in gamy . .and they said ok we ll see .. i am sure they gonna understand me . .
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jul 13, 2011 22:54:38 GMT
I guess that i am over with this situation i simply said that i am not gonna marry any one as i am least interested in gamy . .and they said ok we ll see .. i am sure they gonna understand me . . Its the same with me, exactly. They say, we'll see and I really hope they agree with it. But there are those expectations despite of you telling them that you don't want to get married. You know, kind of reading between the lines, hearing the unspoken sort of thing.
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Post by goramonasikh on Aug 13, 2011 17:56:10 GMT
sorry for the late reply .... unfortunately, there is no situation . I was saying if i was in that situation there's always someway to work it out and still be right with God in America a lot of people put parent in a nursing home ...i had to make a lot of sacrifices taking care of my parents but in my heart im glad i made the investment .
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Post by rembrandt84 on Sept 7, 2011 13:21:17 GMT
sorry for the late reply .... unfortunately, there is no situation . I was saying if i was in that situation there's always someway to work it out and still be right with God in America a lot of people put parent in a nursing home ...i had to make a lot of sacrifices taking care of my parents but in my heart im glad i made the investment . I haven't understood what are you trying to say, especially the "inestment" bit. It would be great if you could clarify that. I am beginning to feel the pressure now. I understand how it is to live in an Indian society because, I am from the background. Since I am living in England with my husband now (We had a Civil Partnership and my parents/siblings don't know wabout it) I feel anger whenever Mom mentiones about marriage. I just don't know how to tell them. It gets even worse when relatives start to nag about the whole marriage issue. I am not sure how will I be able to pull through this.
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Post by rembrandt84 on May 27, 2012 16:03:05 GMT
A lot has changed since then. I have in between the lines told my parents that I am in a civil partnership. I wasn't bluntly honest about my sexual orientation, but I think there is a denial that they aren't open to it. No one talks about it. Perhaps its easier because I am living in a different country. There is still a gaping fear that things might take a different course. I still don't know what to expect and I hope whatever happens, happens for good.
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jun 6, 2012 12:19:11 GMT
How did you tell your parents about the Civil Partnership? Did you say you are in a relationship, or a marriage already with someone?
What was their reaction?
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Post by simrandaleh on Aug 12, 2012 12:55:14 GMT
Hello my fellow members and moderator. Lately, the thought of my parents is really concerning me. I would like to know from everyone their thoughts on this matter as well. Like in a case of a straight son, who gets married and has children, the parents are attended to and are looked after. In a case like me, who is gay and living in a different country with his partner, is trying to settle down in England. I am just not sure about how shall I convince my parents that once I have a full-time job and things are half way good enough, that I will call them over to my place and me and my partner would take care of them. They wouldn't get to rear and grand children because their son is gay. Also, if they don't like the western way of life and they want to go back in India just for the sake of missing their grand children and their old way of life, where at least they have their daughter married and have 2 grand children. Then who would look after them in this age? Because, as our Indian based parents grow older, they seek to get busier with their daughter-in-laws or their grand children which they are not going to get from their gay son. I am really concerned about them growing old and God forbid a case of emergency arises, my sister just cant tend to them for the rest of her life. They are now my responsibility. Okay! I didn't read all of the posts above but I'm gonna give my opinion, anyway. Being gay and marrying a woman will put you through a pretty messed up situation. I you want to give your parents, the sukh of grandchildren, then adoption is the best way and it will also give a meaningful life to someone else. If you consider the other way, getting married with a girl, that is, you'll ruin your, your partner's and the girl's life (singh11 is an extraordinary case ) And if you're worried about your parents' place of living, then ask them to move in with you... that's the only and only way if you want to stop worrying about them. Thank you.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jan 11, 2013 12:13:24 GMT
My parent's don't know about the civil partnership. I convinced them that my path is different and that I don't wish to get "married". It was difficult as I am the only son, and the relatives and acquaintances go chanting "only one left in the family" is quite depressing. Actually, I hate it when they say that in front of my parents and very tempted to tell them that getting married in not THE goal of life. As, if nothing else matters.
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Post by Jalebi Girl on Jan 20, 2013 17:35:51 GMT
It's a challenge for anyone even heterosexual couples struggle to look after their ageing parents. I believe a number of options are always available to us if we're open to them, particularly where siblings are concerned. It's more of an issue if you don't have a brother or sister to gather resources with. Ofcourse these days rest homes for the aged are becoming increasingly popular, although understandably not so appealing given recent news coverage that site neglect and abuse. Ultimately we can only handle the circumstances we find ourselves in with the tools we have available to us as at the time.
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djagz92
New Member
Hey Peepz, I thought I would register and get involved !
Posts: 3
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Post by djagz92 on Feb 16, 2013 22:57:41 GMT
Hey Guys,
This discussion topic is definitely interesting and I suppose there are many views on how to care for our ageing parents.
I'm in a similar situation to sukhjit, I have tried to come to terms with my sexuality but I am concerned about my life. Will it change for the worse, will I lose my family and friends? Or will it affect my studies in a negative way.
I'm currently at university and my group of friends are very "straight" and lad like, so they may not accept me.
In addition, I have an extremely traditional family as many Sikhs do, and I too am an only son, so I feel it is my duty to look after my parents and have them live with me in a couple of years when they are less able and I am independent with a full time job.
I was wandering if anyone could help or give some advice, because I am really starting to struggle on deciding what to do.
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Post by sarbat on Feb 17, 2013 7:52:06 GMT
Hey Guys, This discussion topic is definitely interesting and I suppose there are many views on how to care for our ageing parents. I'm in a similar situation to sukhjit, I have tried to come to terms with my sexuality but I am concerned about my life. Will it change for the worse, will I lose my family and friends? Or will it affect my studies in a negative way. I'm currently at university and my group of friends are very "straight" and lad like, so they may not accept me. In addition, I have an extremely traditional family as many Sikhs do, and I too am an only son, so I feel it is my duty to look after my parents and have them live with me in a couple of years when they are less able and I am independent with a full time job. I was wandering if anyone could help or give some advice, because I am really starting to struggle on deciding what to do. Gurfateh all my friends... Hi djgaz92, i have the same situation and i thing most of use are in the same situation. Where our community and ppl around us would not accept us with however we are. Sometimes im mad with this situation where i cannot be as my self and do whatever i want to do. But other side i wont hurt my family especially for my parents. I dont know if my opinion could be accepted with you guys. But my gianj ji told me long time ago about how our parents are in ohr life. As Guru Maharaj Ji told us in Guru Granth Sahib "Gurdev Mata Gurdev Pita Gurdev Suami Persura". Which is mean (look at our parents first, to our momand then dad. Then look at God. Without parents blessings there will be no way to get blessing from God). Sorry if my translations wrong. But this how giani ji told me. But its all up to u djagz.. but for me. I wont to hurt my parents so i want to keep it secret and make them happy even my life will getting worse. Thanks.
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