summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 21, 2012 20:13:56 GMT
I'll keep that in mind to keep a big smile on my face It can be entertaining you say? I hope you are right, and i will report back! I think most people in a MOC will try to get their own place, so not to live with parents/ in laws so they can have their own life. You are right a lot of responsibilities come with marriage, and it would be interesting to know how much time they actually get, to do what they want to do. So, if family members asked why you dont want to get married, and are you lesbian, you would say "yes"? Im not out to my family, but they may suspect. I thought it would be easy to come out to them, so i was never worried, but it is actually harder than i thought it was, so i didnt manage to do it properly, and my parents reacted really badly, so i didnt finish it. Do you ever think about your future, say if you dont have a MOC, you may not have kids, and end up aging alone? Ok, you can let me know your inappropriate opinion in my inbox!
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 22, 2012 0:34:26 GMT
Lol yeah. Iv had some funny ones but sometimes you come across militant old women.. :/ Tbh it can get really annoying at times. I think moving away helps to a certain degree but still how many people do you know that can say running away from your problems solves everything? I dont think all MOCs never work out but I guess thats down to will power and having a MOC with someone who is on the same page. In some cases it may be difficult to find that because there are a lack of people out there willing to do this or not even out and will just have a straight arranged marriage. Haha it depends on who it is... So you told your parents half the truth? My advice to you would be to become stable before you tell them if they reacted badly. It aint easy telling your parents but once your out to them you have to persist with it and eventually it will get easier. Yeah I do. I try not to think about shit like that because I am no where near it yet so I am concentrating on now.
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 22, 2012 18:28:26 GMT
Does running away from problems resolves everything? No, it doesnt, but it does stave off other problems like, potentially being disowned.
So, how long did you persist with your parents until they accepted you? Are your parents traditional? How do your parents deal with the issue of the community, which will come more into play as you get older?
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 22, 2012 23:52:31 GMT
Hmm its complicated tbh but I still find myself now persisting.. they have known for 6years now. Iv had in depth conversations with my mum who doesn't really care that im a lesbian... its more about me being on my own when im older. It was hard for her at first but still I know she wants me to get married and hopes still that it is a phase.
They are to a certain extent... but nothing is forced on me culturally or religiously. My mum gets upset when people ask about me and getting me married.. seeing others get married. So really we deal with these issues as they arise. Haha nah you know.. I have a lot of pressure on me to get married and proposals coming through... my gran goes on at me literally everyday!!! My dad doesnt say nothing to me.. and we never talk about it.
Is your family traditional?
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 23, 2012 12:09:29 GMT
Wow, so after 6 years you still have to persist Have you explained to your mum you wont necessarily be on your own when you are older, because you can have kids? How did she feel about that? How do you deal with the marriage proposal things then? I guess you cant tell your gran the truth! (Or can you?) My family is a bit mixed, they are modern, but in terms of getting married, they are traditional. I think my mum would expect me to get married whatever i was. So if i say i like women, she would still expect me to get married, and get over my feelings.
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 23, 2012 14:30:36 GMT
Yeah.. sometimes. Its difficult because things can trigger off these conversations/arguments at any time. I suppose in a way I have just learnt to deal with it.
Of course... she said make sure you have a baby because he/she will be your own and at least then you wont be on your own as well. Its hard for her because I explained to her how I can do this and her face dropped... but when the time comes hopefully she would be prepared by then!? :/ I will have a baby or babies one day and I do want them as well.
I laugh and say NO!! hahaha Iv always said I dont want to get married since I was young and still say it now. Nah.. my gran would have a heart attack!! Never ever will I let the elders of my family know about this! I think she thinks im a bit of a slag because I go out, etc, etc... she thinks I have a black bf for some reason. :S
I think your mum may think that they are the only Sikh family in the world going through this.. but its not true as you already know. Something I did was show my mum articles about gay/lesbian sikhs... etc. I even showed her this website and she was shocked!! Maybe you should try it?
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 23, 2012 15:23:10 GMT
They think you have a black bf? Sorry, but that is funny! Yes for our parents, they dont have a lot of support for things, so maybe showing them the website may be good, but she may also break the screen!! Do you want to leave home? As you have years of the "marriage talk" still ahead of you.
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 23, 2012 23:26:42 GMT
Haha it is funny! I dont know why she thinks that but its all good. Yeah maybe.. take some insurance out on your laptop before you do. Yeah.. eventually. They know about it and expect it I think but I dont want to move too far yet.
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Post by sw222uk on Jul 27, 2012 21:45:34 GMT
I find this topic interesting, but the discussion to be even more so. It must be said that a marriage of convenience can be and most likely will be multi-faceted. Moreover, it is an arrangement that will likely differ from situation-to-situation (or couple-to-couple). As passersby or onlookers, it is difficult to guess how the two involved in such an arrangement will define their relationship. Will it be long-term or something that is intended to last for a relatively brief time? Children, of course, will likely only be a point of discussion if the former, longer term arrangement is upheld. And is it really fair to say that bringing children up in an otherwise stable home is any worse than kids being born to other couples whose financial strife is so overwhelming that they cannot afford to raise healthy children who will grow up to be (ir)responsible adults? Or is it fair to say that other Indian women who find themselves in an abusive relationship and then separate from the husband after they have borne children will fare better than with two folks who have had an MOC. Please think about the folks who go through the pain of an MOC. It is most often because they want to protect their families, namely their parents, siblings, etc. Why would anyone try so hard to find a mate just for the sake of marriage without any physical fulfillment? Yeah, one could argue that the reasons are more personal and/or selfish. I personally believe that most people who are engaging in this set-up of an MOC are those who respect their elders, their culture, their heritage, their faith and try to satisfy the requirements of that respect. I wish all of our folks, granthis, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and friends were as accepting as those from certain other cultures and sub-cultures. Let's face it, we just aren't that lucky. So, I say allow those who want to fulfill the dreams of their parents/grandparents/society do it in their own way. We cannot judge. Just my two cents. this.
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 28, 2012 23:26:30 GMT
sw222uk.. what do you mean?
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Post by sw222uk on Aug 1, 2012 21:19:57 GMT
meant i agreed completely with the post
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Post by rembrandt84 on Jan 20, 2013 15:48:29 GMT
MOC is to lie to yourself and LYING in front of the Guru and sangat. You are making fun of Anand Karaj. It is so creepy that I can't explain it. It is against all teaching of Sikhism the MOC is a mockery. You'd rather be truthful by either not getting married at all and be spiritual at the same time. There is no happiness in MOC, at least bring one couple to me that are living happily in a MOC. It is a western concept and being 1st or 2nd generation sikhs who are brought up in a indian culture MOC is demanding and it will come and crash on you and your family members who you two dragged into. Truth comes out anytime, so better practice it in the first place. MOC is purely to shut up the family members who won't stop nagging and it would destroy those who are in it. It is not a fair game and especially against all Sikh principles.
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Post by Jalebi Girl on Jan 20, 2013 17:41:36 GMT
MOC is to lie to yourself and LYING in front of the Guru and sangat. You are making fun of Anand Karaj. It is so creepy that I can't explain it. It is against all teaching of Sikhism the MOC is a mockery. You'd rather be truthful by either not getting married at all and be spiritual at the same time. There is no happiness in MOC, at least bring one couple to me that are living happily in a MOC. It is a western concept and being 1st or 2nd generation sikhs who are brought up in a indian culture MOC is demanding and it will come and crash on you and your family members who you two dragged into. Truth comes out anytime, so better practice it in the first place. MOC is purely to shut up the family members who won't stop nagging and it would destroy those who are in it. It is not a fair game and especially against all Sikh principles. Interesting that you label MOC creepy when just earlier you posted a provocative thread about visiting a sauna where men go as cattle to have sex, barely utterlng a word to each other (all within so called 'Sikh Principles' of course) Before becoming judge and jury take a long hard look at yourself. When in judgement of others you judge only yourself.
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Post by quantumdesi on Jan 20, 2013 23:34:57 GMT
Dude - I'm with JB! No one is here to judge you but we're commenting on what appear to be opinions that are at odds with each other. Find your Sangat wherever you like, but I'm not sure a gay sauna is the place to find a Sangat conducive to religion (ANY organised religion). You do make a big point in many of your posts about going out and experiencing things - it's good that you are and are figuring yourself out My view on MOCs is mixed - I see your broad point about Anand Karaj and agree, but isn't a straight non-religious couple making just as big a mockery? Or a gay non-religious couple (assuming gay marriages are permitted)? What about a gay couple who ARE religious - would them getting married be a mockery?
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Post by Jalebi Girl on Jan 21, 2013 10:43:25 GMT
Everyone is allowed freedom of expression here aslong as it's not deemed offensive or disrespectful.
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