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Post by rikki23 on Sept 3, 2011 17:42:05 GMT
I am a gay married man who originally was in love with my wife but over the years have fallen out of love with her for various reasons. Since the end of our marital relationship (although we still live together for the kids and the family), I have been having a relationship with a gay man. It has been a brilliant relationship and he knew all about my circumstances but due to my inability to further commit to this new relationship we have now split up. This in itself is not an issue as I recognise I need to sort out my previous relationship out first. Deep within me for the first time ever in my life, I have a desire to come out to my family as a gay man. Clearly, I need to be honest with my wife first but need to think of the impact on her and the children. Having read lots of forums on the internet, most people say that being honest is the best way forward. Can this work for me though in the Sikh community? Should I not be bothered about what people think and live my life as I would wish? If I answer yes to this, then I know I will not be happy making my whole family unhappy with my lifestyle choices (for want of a better phrase). I know I will be thrown out of my family if I came out, is it worth it? Any opinions on taking this matter forward?
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Post by rikki23 on Sept 4, 2011 6:44:52 GMT
This situation is what I am guessing I will be in too! Don't even come and see me on my deathbed!! My sister is quite homophobic (using the word mildly) as she has always said being gay is wrong! I might try and confide in her to test the water for her reaction. I am guessing that despite everything she has always said, she will be supportive of it and her main concern will be my mum's reaction!
Are there any useful places we can go for support before I make such a decision? The problem with discussing such things with non Sikh people is that they really do not understand how our community think and react.
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Post by rembrandt84 on Sept 7, 2011 13:20:13 GMT
I am not married but the pressure is on. . . the bottom line is that this is not a SIKH issue, its a punjabi/cultural issue. I understand how it is to live in an Indian society because, I am from the background. Since I am living in England with my husband now (We had a Civil Partnership and my parents/siblings don't know wabout it) I feel anger whenever Mom mentiones about marriage. I just don't know how to tell them. It gets even worse when relatives start to nag about the whole marriage issue. Even my sister's in-laws are on fire about it. I am not sure how will I be able to pull through this.
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Post by ssingh123 on Dec 15, 2013 3:05:27 GMT
HI rikki. I empathesise with your situation. At 45, 2 children, after 20 years struggling marriage, I am separating as I confessed to her that I have gay side since since I was a child. I cant keep fighting my feelings. My kids and family dont know real reason it is my choice to come out. I want to explore my gay side with a man.
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