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Post by Jazzy on Mar 8, 2012 23:08:04 GMT
I have seen a number of posts where people would like an MOC and how they would like their MOC partner to be discrete about their sexuality, etc, etc. The whole point of a MOC is for both people to live a "happy & fullfilled life"!!?? I understand why people have MOCs but what I dont understand is how people cant see that long term it can be very harmful in more ways than one. Is there anyone on this forum who has had a MOC? x
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jun 23, 2012 19:21:59 GMT
Interesting topic. In what ways would you consider a MOC harmful?
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cd
New Member
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Post by cd on Jun 24, 2012 14:02:00 GMT
your will be lying to your family getting innocent children involved in your situation ... temporary solution to a very permanent aspect of ones life
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Post by newjerseysikh on Jun 25, 2012 23:05:47 GMT
I find this topic interesting, but the discussion to be even more so. It must be said that a marriage of convenience can be and most likely will be multi-faceted. Moreover, it is an arrangement that will likely differ from situation-to-situation (or couple-to-couple).
As passersby or onlookers, it is difficult to guess how the two involved in such an arrangement will define their relationship. Will it be long-term or something that is intended to last for a relatively brief time? Children, of course, will likely only be a point of discussion if the former, longer term arrangement is upheld. And is it really fair to say that bringing children up in an otherwise stable home is any worse than kids being born to other couples whose financial strife is so overwhelming that they cannot afford to raise healthy children who will grow up to be (ir)responsible adults? Or is it fair to say that other Indian women who find themselves in an abusive relationship and then separate from the husband after they have borne children will fare better than with two folks who have had an MOC.
Please think about the folks who go through the pain of an MOC. It is most often because they want to protect their families, namely their parents, siblings, etc. Why would anyone try so hard to find a mate just for the sake of marriage without any physical fulfillment? Yeah, one could argue that the reasons are more personal and/or selfish. I personally believe that most people who are engaging in this set-up of an MOC are those who respect their elders, their culture, their heritage, their faith and try to satisfy the requirements of that respect.
I wish all of our folks, granthis, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and friends were as accepting as those from certain other cultures and sub-cultures. Let's face it, we just aren't that lucky.
So, I say allow those who want to fulfill the dreams of their parents/grandparents/society do it in their own way.
We cannot judge.
Just my two cents.
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 17, 2012 23:48:27 GMT
No judgement passed... its just sad to know people are doing things to make others happy and living a lie for the rest of their life. No one should have to go through that.
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 18, 2012 18:18:03 GMT
What are your plans Jazzy? To have a civil partnership?
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 18, 2012 23:16:14 GMT
My plans... hmm I have a plan. I hate the term civil partnership and its whole concept! I want to get married and have a family of my own one day.. that's only if I find "the one". How about yourself Summer?
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 18, 2012 23:47:47 GMT
Oh right, you mean get married in a Gudwara? I think when in love you can feel like you can do anything, so if i fall in love again, it is possible i would have something like the civil partnership and i would have the strength to do it. Obviously, when not in love, it seems like a very scary thing to do. However im not sure how i would navigate, the "community" issue if i were to have a civil partnership. Go into eternal hiding?
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 19, 2012 16:11:51 GMT
I would only get married in a Gudwara if my partner was Sikh and that's what she wants (only if she follows Sikhism) otherwise I have other ideas. Being in love is amazing and yeah I agree it makes you feel like you can do anything for that person. I think a lot of people don't know what being in love is and what love is. You dont have to go in to eternal hiding. Personally I dont think the whole world (the community) needs to know your business.. as long as the main people are in your life then that is all that matters. You have the people you love the most around you! There is no point in having negative people around you that give you negative energy. On the other hand I dont know you or circumstances so I guess it may no be as simple as that!?
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summer
Junior Member
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Post by summer on Jul 19, 2012 22:24:13 GMT
You sound like the creative type then! Registry offices too boring eh? Besides im pretty sure there is no way a same sex marriage would ever take place in a Gudwara! Well what if the negative energy around you comes from your own family members?, and also at some point community members are gonna question why you havent got married and popped out 20 kids yet. What would answer be to them, like when you are 40? If not having a MOC then people will have no choice but to navigate the community, extended family members etc Also, newjerseysikh said that people that go through a MOC have pain. Isnt the point of it is to have no pain, thats why its a MOC? Wouldnt it be more painful to have a marriage, where one partner is straight and the other gay, and they are expected to have sex? How is a MOC more painful?
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 20, 2012 15:25:19 GMT
I can be creative when needs be. Yeah.. a registry office is boring. :/ If I cant have a "normal" wedding then why not. Hmm im sure iv read somewhere there is a Gurdwara in Canada that does that.. but dont hold me to that as im not 100% sure. Same applies to family in my book but obviously there are ways to handle situations. At the end of the day Summer whos life do you want to live? The community wont give you love and happiness! You dont have to answer to anyone summer.. obviously your parents but thats about it. You just got to be strong and be living a good life. Haha personally I have never fitted in the community and I have taken myself out the situation of being around people like that. Time is precious.. im not about to waste it on divs who mean nothing to me and just talk about other people. God is watching so il let he/she do their business. Of course they have pain when going through a MOC...! Pain that they could be in love with someone else, dont want to have sex with the opposite sex, living someone else s dream feeling unfulfilled, living a lie in general.!!! You know that saying... one lie always leads to another and its only a matter of time it catches up with you! I could go on.. but each to their own and good luck to people who do have MOCs.. I hope all goes well for them. They should call it a MFC!!! Marriage for community.. hehe
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 20, 2012 23:05:19 GMT
Well, you certainly sound sure of yourself Do you still go to the Gudwara and family events etc? In a MOC, they wouldnt be having sex with each other im sure. Still havent heard from anyone who has had a MOC on this thread...
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 20, 2012 23:32:03 GMT
Yeah.. some of its trial and error. Nah you know.. I only go to the Gudwara on special occasions and I only usually go to close family weddings and some random events. However, back in the days it was a whole different story. How about yourself? Hmm I dont know about that.. :S I know.. no replies. But I guess if someones had an moc what would they be doing on this forum..?!
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summer
Junior Member
Posts: 38
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Post by summer on Jul 21, 2012 13:29:46 GMT
I go to the Gudwara on occassions, when i have to go, like to close family. I havent been to an extended family event for a while, mainly because i dont like going to weddings, and i get pestered there. Im going to a family members wedding soon, who i am close to, but i am also worried about the pressure im going to get there too. Im happy for their marriage, but also dreading it for myself. Maybe the key is to be more confident in myself.
Im pretty sure the criteria of a MOC is it is for social convenience, so its a front, no sex is expected. And if they want to have a baby im sure they would do it without sex. Do you think a gay man would want to have sex with a woman?
I think someone who has had a MOC would still visit this forum if they are struggling with sexuality or to make contacts/friends. Maybe no one posts because they feel they may be attacked.
So, you have decided against MOC. What have you decided you will do? Are you openly out?
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Post by Jazzy on Jul 21, 2012 17:07:16 GMT
When you get harassed just keep a big smile on your face (they will wonder what are you smiling at) and bullshit them or tell them half the truth. It can be entertaining especially if you don't like weddings.. Yeah.. definitely be confident in yourself because people will then know your serious and maybe they wont persist with you as much regarding marriage. Hmmm I wouldnt like to say. And I dont think its a good idea for me to give my view regarding this on this forum. Some people might find it too crude or inappropriate. lol Maybe.. but I doubt it personally. There might be a few but not many.. a lot of responsibilities come with marriage and I dont think they would really have much time to live the life they really want. Unless they lived away from family, friends... they community.. :/ I don't think anyone on this forum would attack anyone who has had an MOC... if anything they would most likely want to help. Well Summer when/if I fall in love then I will tell my parents and go from there. But this time I will make sure she would do the same for me. My mum, dad, bro and a few other members of family know. To the rest of the world i dont hide my sexuality neither do I flaunt it. Im a human being so im not about to explain myself to people when I meet them. The people in my life atm know im a lesbian and also love me for who I am. Are you out to family/friends? Whats your plan?
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